Why I Dance…

I’ve never had the best relationship with my mom. My dad left when I was a baby and I guess I kinda blamed her for him leaving. But the thing is my mom doesn’t know jack about me. Whenever I have problems she hands me my phone and says talk to Abby, when your done here’s your chore list. My sister calls me mom half the time. My brother can’t wait tho get out of this living hell. My mother blames it on me. I know all of her speeches I’ve heard them so many times. Her favorite speech to five me is Rosie your a disappointment. Whenever we fight I listen to sia elastic heart. I tell myself I lose if she sees me cry so I run. My getaway is probably my dancing. I know I’m not the best dancer not even close. But when I dance I feel free I feel it’s okay to cry and to laugh . that I can let it out instead of storing it inside. My freinds call me outgoing. People who don’t know me call me shy. But when I Dance, I am neither and both, I am flying with both feet on the ground.  When I dance I can forget my dad leaving and my brother counting the days till he leaves. I can forget my sister coming in the kitchen and accidentally calling me mom, again, I can forget that I didn’t do well on my science test. I can forget  the sharp aching pain in my chest of suppressed feelings. sometimes I wonder if I’m capable of emotion because I feel so robotic going through the motions every day… Again and again. Never allowing myself to cry. I have gotten used to the feeling of numb. Except when I dance. When I dance it’s okay to cry and laugh and just breathe without … This is why I Dance. This is what Dancing means to me.

Sincerely, Rosie