I finally found a song that completely describes how I feel right now Hold me now: RED
I hadn’t listened to it much and then last night it randomly popped into my head and I started humming it. So I searched it on YouTube and started listening. I love this song, and I feel like it was written for me, somehow.
I love the lyrics. Do you ever have a song that just speaks to your heart? Who new mine would be from a rock band.
I know I’ve posted before about fear, I am a naturally nervous person. But I don’t have to be, life is too short to be afraid. And it’s not like I’m afraid of everything, I’m afraid of like three things, but those fears really sink in deep.
I’m kinda like Four from Divergent (and yes I make a lot of references to Divergent) I’m not afraid of a lot of things, but the things that scare me, really scare me!
But fear can drive me to be better, it gives me a challenge, and I’m working on not being afraid of anything.
Thanks for reading!
This is my next challenge for myself, to be bolder. I want to learn to say what I mean. So starting with this week I will not be afraid to say what needs to be said. I’ll work on speaking up and being heard. I wont beat around the bush, and I wont be afraid to look stupid or be rejected, because it’s my life! No one can make me think poorly of myself, or change my mind. It’s just not gonna happen. You can say what you want but you can not bring me down. I’m going to be braver this week and hopefully the rest of my life, because life is too short to worry about what other people think of me.
I can’t spend my life being afraid of looking stupid because if I spend all of my energy being afraid, how am I supposed to have fun?
Something else I’ve been starting to do, is at the end of writing in my “challenge journal,” I write a message to myself, I hope one day I’ll read it and remember that I am not the weak person I saw myself as. And one more thing I should mention.
There are two things people get backwards when they’re trying to be brave (And yes I got part of this from Divergent) Being brave doesn’t mean you’re never afraid, it’s being afraid and still doing what’s right,
and being brave doesn’t mean you never cry, it means you cry for a little while and then get back up and try again.
Sometimes, you can act tough too much. So I guess my real challenge for myself would be, being able to put my defenses down, so that people can see me for the clumsy, dork that I am, because I’m proud of who I am, I don’t want to be afraid of what people think, and I don’t want to keep my thoughts to myself anymore.
Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about my past and how I am now could affect my future. I am not always the nicest person. I find complete joy in making other peoples lives miserable. I enjoy picking fights because it makes me feel powerful, but when I’m alone I feel weak, for me there’s no balance in between. So, I’m challenging my self and trying new things to change my attitude towards others, and myself.
Today is day one, and this weekend I am fasting none-Christian music. So I will not be listening to Pentatnonix or Fall Out Boy today or tomorrow. I want to experiment and see how this affects my behavior over the weekend and hope it helps me to be more patient and less violent towards others and also to stop with all the self doubt and self blame for everything. Every few days I’ll probably challenge myself to do something more and do something else less. So this week I hope to pray for all of my friends, a different one everyday. I’m trying to think of other people more and stop focusing on myself. Because even when I’m upset I’m still only thinking of myself and maybe as I move forward in this experiment I’ll be able to think of myself less and others more.