I live in a world where stress and emotion basically run my life. I am constantly stressed about school and constantly reminded that if I don’t stress about school I basically won’t have a future. When it’s not school, it’s about my home, my family, drama with friends or basically anything else that has to do with life. Sometimes, I feel like I just need out, not like a break, not a weekend getaway, just out. I need to not be surrounded by people who put school above everything else, especially when I feel like my emotional health is being traded for academic success. I can’t be around people who blame each other and never take responsibility for themselves. So, sometimes, I just need a minute to step out of the craziness of my life and breathe. I need to plug in my headphones and internally cry my heart out and pretend the stress and the people don’t exist, but I can’t.
I can’t get away from this, I don’t have anywhere to go, there’s nowhere that is just mine, there’s not quiet room I can sit in to just breathe and forget about life. So all I can do is say nothing about how much pressure I feel and pray that I make it through the day without speaking my mind, because if I spoke my mind nobody would like what came out. Nobody wants to hear about how I don’t believe school should go before everything else, nobody wants to hear about how I can feel my home falling out from underneath itself, and no one wants to hear about how unhappy I am, being where I am. So, I will find a place in my mind that is quiet and safe and I will scream in a place where no one can hear me, and I will cry where no one can see me and I’ll only tell myself how I feel because at the end of the day, no one else is even listening.