When writing, I think it’s important to not think so much with your brain but in a way let your soul take over. Just write and then think. When you think to much you may change the word, the meaning, maybe even change the whole story.
I’ve always been pretty talented at changing the story. I’m good at twisting things so that people take my side even when I’m the one who is wrong. Mostly when I write I am as honest as I can be but when you become talented at twisting your words so they change the story it’s hard not to do it. I’m a storyteller and I tell stories to entertain, not to be honest.
I’m good at pinning the blame on someone else, even when it really doesn’t matter. I do anything to avoid blame, to avoid getting in trouble, mostly to avoid getting yelled at. I protect myself by possibly hurting other people. It’s horrible and crazy but it’s what I do. I don’t mean to make myself sound like a bad person or to make it sound like I think I am but for me manipulation is the best weapon and that’s weapon that harm an armies worth of people. The thing about manipulation is the recoil is just as deadly as the shots that are fired. The manipulator not only manipulates others but also themselves until they don’t even remember who they are, until they can’t tell the difference between truthful and entertaining.
When did people put a time limit on how long you can care and worry about somebody, about a fellow human. If I were in a dangerous situation whether I put myself there or just ended up there somehow I would want somebody to care, to fight for me. I’ve heard people talk about how they want to stay out of someone else’s drama and I understand but sometimes you don’t have to put yourself in the middle of the drama in order to show that you care about someone.
A year ago some drama was unfolding involving a close friend of mine. Back then I was so jealous of all the attention she was getting, in a way it still affects me. So many people were praying for her, offering emotional support, loving on her, talking about her and I was complaining because that was taking attention away from me but I get it now. I recently started speaking with her again and there’s still drama but this time I can honestly say that I’m worried about her and I really care about her and what happens to her. The thing is, I’ve updated other people on the situation and some of them seem to have stopped caring.
First of all, this is honestly one of the reasons I don’t refer to myself as a christian, not that all Christians are like this but so many of them pray for people when they know they’ll be seeing them in church on Sunday, but when they don’t see them in church anymore they stop caring. I’ve seen it before and it’s ridiculous. You can’t just pray for someone cause that’s what all the other Christians are doing and then stop caring when it’s no longer a popular trend, that’s not how it works!
Second of all, you don’t have to be a christian to understand that when someone is important to you, you don’t stop loving them when they’re gone.
My fear now is that the people who’ve told me they’ll be there for me, the one’s who have been there through all of my drama will one day decide they’re done. I think one of the worst things is not having someone fight for you.
Right now I am a support system for her possibly the only one she has and I’m not gonna give up on her.
Either you care, or you don’t. You can’t put a expiration date on that. I’m sorry but you can’t. So please get over yourselves and find the little shred of humanity that I really hope you have.
I’m sorry for the long rant guys! This has just been something that’s been weighing on my heart and it needed to be said. Love you guys.