Guilt

When the day ends and the moon rises, what do you think of? What do you remember? Does guilt wash over you and hold your heart captive so you can’t even breathe? 

All you wish for, all you want is freedom. Freedom from the lies, from the pain, from the guilt. 

There’s a voice in your head screaming that it’s not your fault, not your problem, but who do you believe? Your head or your heart? 

Is it hard to sleep, to eat, to live? Everyday passes slowly. It feels like the world stopped long enough to remind you of your choices. 

Do you wonder where the guilt comes from? Is it something you did or something THEY said? Why Do you feel guilty for something  you didn’t choose and you can’t fix? 

Do they blame You? Do you blame You? Could it really be so bad you can’t let go? Have you tried to let go? 

Do they hate You? Do you hate You? Do you hate yourself because you can’t be perfect? 

Do you lie to yourself, saying that it isn’t your fault? Is that a lie? Do you even remember the truth anymore? 

Do you remember who you are? Do you want to remember who you are? 

Did you change? Did the lies become your reality? Did the guilt replace your soul, your hatred darken your heart? 

Do you change because of them? Did you do it because of You? 

Do you wonder where the old you went? Would she like who you are now? Would she want to be just like You? 

I wonder where you are. I wonder if you’ll  come back, I hope you’ll come back. 

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Friendship struggles

Recently I have been thinking a lot about how valuable my friendships are. I have been spending a lot of time with the friends I’ve had since kindergarten and let’s just say that things have gotten complicated. We’ve all been doing our best to keep the drama low key, because I mean nobody likes drama.

I love my friends and there’s no point in throwing away a life-long friendship over a small misunderstanding. But here’s a tip for all of you, don’t accuse any of your friends of anything no matter what another friend says until you have figured out the whole story.

There’s no point in holding grudges, no point on requiring others to be rude to another friend because they’re mad at them, and no point in making things over dramatic. Friends are precious and sometimes the only people that will understand you, if a friendship is able to be saved it is more than worth saving.

Thanks for reading!

-Abby.

 

Costa Rica; Day 6

Okay, so Wednesday was really the last day before we left. I was tired and was already preparing myself to go home. We had to finish our painting projects (which we did). Painting went really well.

Afterwards the team split up and half of us went to one bible study and the others went to another bible study. It was a lot of fun. We learned about each other as well as learning about the bible.

I was really sad when the bible study was over because that meant that the trip was over and I had to say goodbye to all of the wonderful people that I had gotten to know over the week. I was really blessed to be a part of the team that went on this missions trip.

Thanks for reading!

-Abby.

Costa Rica; Day 5

Okay so in day five which was Tuesday we went to La Paz waterfall garden. It was like a mini zoo with an aviary and a butterfly garden and tons more. A really cool part of it was when we got to hold a toucan (they’re heavier than they look).

We hiked a lot to get to the waterfalls. I don’t remember how many there were but it was worth all of the extra cardio. If you ever get the chance to go to Costa Rica you should totally check it out.

After that we had the night off so we got ice cream and the team played cards by the pool until it got pretty late. We had a nice relaxing evening.

Thanks for reading.

-Abby.

Costa Rica; Day 4

Okay, so on Monday we started our painting day. One group went to paint the kindergarten in the community and my group went to the house of one of the church members. This was my first time actually painting a room so that was an interesting job.

In the evening we had a game night at the church where we really got to know the people in the community. We learned how to play a different version of Uno, which wasn’t different but it was different enough that it took a lifetime for me to learn.

That’s really all we did that day. But it was a pretty good day!

Thanks for reading!

-Abby.

Costa Rica; day 3.

Okay, since the third day in Costa Rica was on a Sunday we all went to the church for service. I helped out in one of the Sunday schools which was interesting because I didn’t speak Spanish but it was still a lot of fun.

Afterwards the team went downtown where we shopped for souvenirs at the market. I bought a couple of things but really I just explored.

After that I spent my time watching some of the kids from the community, one of the kids was teaching me animal names in Spanish and I was teaching two of the girls some dance moves. That was a huge highlight for my trip.

Thanks for reading.

-Abby.

Costa Rica day 2

So the second day in Costa Rica happened to be my 16th birthday! (best birthday ever by the way, I mean who can top that?) So we started the day at the church loading some kids up on two buses to take them to a party.

I ate my first churro at that party…

I celebrated my birthday by standing with two clowns as the room sung their version of happy birthday. After hanging out with the kids for a few more hours we headed back to the church.

The people that were feeding us the whole week got me a cake, which I was very happy with.

After that we had a worship night at that same house. A lot of the people in the community came and they sung in Spanish and the team sung in English but as chaotic as it was it was also the most beautiful sound I’ve heard in my entire life. The language barrier came down and we were all together, under one roof, worshipping one God. That was my favorite moment of the week.

Thanks for reading!

-Abby.