Realizing who I really am

Okay, so I post a lot about my identity. Who I wish I was, what I want to be. I finally realized last night while talking to a friend, I’m not who I thought I was. This is where my story really begins.

Once there was a girl who got teased a lot, she got pushed around be people she hung out with daily. One day she realized it didn’t have to be like that. She decided in order to keep people from teasing her she had to put up a wall. That outer shell soon became who she was. She teased people, bullied people, and used violence, lies, and manipulation to get her way. She used to be sweet, and care about other people, but not anymore. All she cared about was protecting herself so no one else would see how weak she really was. Nobody teased her anymore and she had a lot of friends so she had to be doing something right, but something felt off. The shield began to change her and turn her into something she wasn’t. Somewhere in there she lost herself, and no matter how hard she tried she couldn’t get back to her. Not only did she loose herself she lost something she cared about; faith. She used to believe and be really close to God. Now she just faked it to look good around adults and just left him behind when there was no one around. But still something wasn’t right, she wasn’t happy with who she was, she hated that God didn’t mean anything to her. But one day she heard a voice calling her back. She found her old self and began to fight to shed the walls and she began to feel close with God again. She’s still fighting. She’s fighting a battle with herself and a lot of times she loses but she gets back up. And soon she’ll be back, that little sweet girl she’ll come back. One day.

In case you didn’t guess this is my story. So I don’t have a huge survival story where my parents left me. This is really happening, I’m fighting a battle with myself. Yesterday when I was talking to my friend about this, I started to realize, I think I’m finally starting to win. This is gonna be a life long battle, but I fully believe that God is with me. I don’t need a shield because I trust that God is my shield.

Thanks for reading!

-Abby.

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