Fear of the future(from a christian perspective)

 Do you ever think of the future? I know I do. I’m going to try and talk to you guys on more of a personal level then I usually do. I know I don’t know you guys, but this is what I want to share with you right now. I have three fears. I’m afraid of silence I panic in quiet, Failure I’m afraid to fail infront of other people because it makes me feel weak, and the future, I fear the unknown of what may happen in the next couple of years.

I’m afraid of that day when everything changes, where I wont dance anymore, where my voice begins to fade, when I move out and have to face the world. I’m not afraid of growing old and dying, that’s not why I’m afraid of the future. I’m afraid of the things I might miss out on, the things that I have to leave behind that right now I can’t live without. I mean someday I wont be able to dance the same way I do now, and for me dancing is like living in another world. While I dance I can be transported into a world where there’s no such thing as stress, and no one can touch me.

So I wanted you guys to know how I feel, I just hope that this can help you. I mean I’m literally a teen who’s afraid to grow up! Whatever you’re afraid of it’s not stupid and nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone’s afraid of something. And everyone has a reason to be afraid of whatever they’re afraid of. But I hope you find comfort in this (I’m not trying to preach but this is what I believe) God is with you, you don’t have to be afraid, I know that he will protect me and I find comfort in knowing that he has a plan for my future just as he has a plan for you. You don’t have to believe it.

Read further if you dare…or if you don’t…yeah

Here’s my challenge to you, and remember God answers all prayers but it’s not always the answer we want. I think you should try this, you don’t have to if you don’t want to, no pressure. Just pray to God to help you face your fears. There’s no specific way to do it, you can’t really pray wrong as long as you’re really praying. It may not happen right away and you may not even notice a difference but I believe God loves us and will help us face our fears, if we trust in him.

…Okay so I did end up preaching a little, I have no idea where that came from…

I was not planning on writing that part…

Anyway…thanks for reading!

-Abby…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Last day to dance

So basically I have now decided to “up my game” in the dance world. Since I’m finally able to get beck to dancing in a studio I’ve decided to start working harder on my strength and flexibility so that in the future I can dance at a more professional studio. Dance is supposed to be fun, but it’s also work and I’m finally realizing that I need to really start on the work part and balance the work in the fun instead of me slacking off and it just being fun.

Dance is my passion but it’s difficult to be good at it if I’m not actually trying. So today is day one, today will be the day I take it seriously because who knows? Maybe I’ll dance professionally or teach a dance class. I guess I’m thankful that I injured my knee because some how it helped me be more excited about dancing and it’s made me better. I pay closer attention in class, I work on technique, I stretch and work on cardio and strength training everyday, I’m even standing in front of the barre sometimes.

Who knew something so good could come out of something so painful? I guess God was trying to teach me something and the lesson has been learned. So I’ll take my time healing and I’ll dance for the love of dancing, just this time I wont lose my turnout and injure my leg. I’ll dance in thanks to my God, I’ll dance because I love it, and I’ll dance as if it’s my last day to be able to dance.

Thanks for reading!

-Abby.

 

 

 

 

Putting anger and frustration into dance

I was talking with a friend a few days ago, it had been a rough day and I felt angry for basically no reason. So my friend was telling me when I feel angry I should dance and put all that anger into dance.

I was impressed at his advice because he’s not a dancer. So now I know how to control my anger, and sadness, and confusion and when I dance I finally feel the music and my dancing finally means something important. And maybe I can finally know how I feel and be happy most of the time.

Thanks for reading!

-Abby.

Family

Lately I’ve been feeling emotionally drained. I was having a conversation over text yesterday and may have finally gotten to the bottom of it.

I have been moody and depressed, and part of it was from my family. I love my family, but I always feel like the odd one out, and the least favorite child. I understand that this is mostly just in my head. Basically yesterday I had physical therapy and I was in a bit of pain after all, not to mention I was exhausted. We decided to have a semi-family dinner for once which resulted in me and my brother having a fight, and then my mom did what she does best–made me feel stupid–she yelled at me for saying something mean but as always when I asked what I had done to get me in trouble, she didn’t know!

I  didn’t go to work with the kindergartners like I do every Wednesday, so I sat down to watch TV and I told my brother he could have the TV at 8 pm because that’s when I start my evening routine. So around 6:30 I turn on an hour long show and at exactly 7 pm he informs me that I told him he could have the TV at 7 pm. After explaining to him about how I must have misspoken, he told me it didn’t matter because I wasn’t even supposed to be home and since I was missing the hard work I wasn’t allowed to watch TV. I mean did he even think that maybe volunteering is fun? I mean guys I love my family most of the time. But most of the time I’m pretty sure they don’t even love me back.

Thanks for reading my sappy, touchy feely, grossness of feeling spilling!

-Abby.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You’re the favorite child

So, yesterday after dance class Rosie’s mom was introducing us to someone and I introduced myself as her daughter. So as we were walking to the church for youth group
I turned around and waved saying “bye Mom,” Well Rosie’s little sister said “bye Abby! you’re the favorite daughter,” After cracking up on the side of the parking lot, I explained to Rosie about how I was only the favorite because I only lived there on weekends.

I have a feeling this will be an ongoing joke in the family and between me and Rosie for many years.

Thanks for reading!

-Abby.

Not ready to grow up

This may or may not be the cheesiest thing I’ve ever post, which I wasn’t even sure was possible.

I’ve been thinking through my childhood. And wow was it a good one! I’ve been thinking a lot, I mean I’m in highschool now and I need to start planning for my future, but there’s a road block. I don’t want to grow up. I miss it. I feel like I’ve lost so much since then. I mean while I’ve been growing up in the past few years people have died, friends have left, people move, I changed. I mean sure growing up is great, it’s just harder then I thought it would be. I feel like I’ve missed out on things I could have learned, and done. And now it’s too late and those chances are gone.

I mean I’m homeschooled and I see the perks in that, but I also see what I’m missing out on. I feel a lot of times if I knew then what a know now, I would have worked just a little harder at dancing. I mean there are things I’m afraid to do now that if I had of tried before I might not be scared to do.

Not to mention that growing up apparently cost money. I get stressed out over things now school, boys, friends, events. Everything I mean I get stressed out over small things.I also feel like the more I grow up, the more I realize people don’t think of me as a young adult. My parents still do things for me that I could do for myself, people discard my ideas and opinions because in their mind I’m still a child.

I’m beginning to understand the world and sometimes I really wish I didn’t. I feel like I’m not ready to grow up, I feel like other people feel like I’m not old enough to grow up yet. I’m not afraid of the world, I just miss the little protective bubble I had when I was little. And I really wish I could go back in time to the point where I began to grow up and correct things that I’ve done, things I know I’ll probably regret not fixing later.

Before I was so excited to grow up, now I wish I never had to.

Thanks for reading!

-Abby.

Feeling the music

This weekend has been emotionally draining, I wont go into boring details. Basically it was bad news piled on top of more bad news. I didn’t sleep, I had bad headaches, I was in a bad mood, nothing was going right. I turned on my music on my phone and just lied down and listened. And I realized just how depressing my music is.

So I listened to it, I let myself feel the music. The music explained how I felt better then I ever could. I don’t even know how I feel about it, but the music does. It describes my every thought. Just for a moment the world drifts into nothing and it’s just me and the music.

I’ve been learning that growing up is way harder then everyone made it look. But if it’s just me, myself, and the music it begins to grow a little bit clearer. I still don’t know how I feel about the events of this weekend, I just know that when everything goes wrong I can count on the music to let me drift off into my own little fantasy.

Thanks for reading!

-Abby.